Round and round (AGAIN)

Well, we were supposed to have a great girls night (my sister, my mom and I) and instead my mother had a fit that my father didn't go to the mountains so she could have her "alone time." Little did I know (stupid me) what her alone time actually was going to consist of. I should have really known, I am the first to doubt her. But I guess I was just blind this time. She called this morning saying my Dad didn't go to the mountains and she was pissed. Apparently she felt it was necessary to say to him that he gets every day alone (he is retired and she works full time) and she was just looking forward to this time today to have to herself. Mind you he has spent the past 4 days in the hospital with his mother. Gee, after that he isn't entitled to want to stay home? And they argued and he left saying he would be back after we had left for the movie. That was her story anyway.

Later in the afternoon she called me on my home phone and I was having to repeat everything two or three times and I thought she sounded funny. She tells me she hasn't heard from my sister, and as if on cue, my cell phone rings and I know its my sister so I tell mom to hold on. Sister tells me she just talked to mom. WTF? I am so stupid and should have known that she was drunk. I told my mom I'd talk to Sister and call her back and we'd figure out times. So I threw on my shoes and went over to give mom a little surprise visit.

After going back and forth for almost an hour she admitted it. There are times in these conversations where I think maybe I did cross the line, maybe she isn't really drinking. And then I start thinking that I am smart enough (and have seen it enough) to know when she is and when she isn't and surely she is.

She wanted me to go pick up her Sunday School materials from another lady and bring them back to the house so my dad thought she went and got them? WTF (yes again)? I am not her enabler. I went and got them, but for the sake of the kids and the church, not for her. I kept the Sunday School stuff so at least I know it will make it to church tomorrow. I am seriously doubting she'll even show up to church tomorrow, just letting more people down.

She had the nerve to tell me that she believes my sister and I love my Dad more and that is why she would never call us when she feels she might drink. We have offered over and over again to be there for her and be someone she can call, but she never does.

I am not nice to her when she is like this. Especially when she lies for so long about it. I refuse to be sucked in to this game and will not, WILL NOT, WILL NOT allow Little Man to be anywhere near this behavior or allow her to be alone with him. I informed her of this but, as expected, it didn't make any difference. I knew it wouldn't but had to inform her of my decision. I'm very torn in this because 2 months ago I was considering confronting both of my parents about their drinking and since my Dad had heart troubles he hasn't had a drop of alcohol. I am so proud of him and have even told him so.

So I took my mom's keys left her house and called my Dad. He informed me that he knew she was wanting to drink because he heard her bring in the bottles in the house this morning and he suspected that is why she was so upset he didn't go. I hate to just call him when I am leaving but I could no longer stomach to look at her. I am just sick and upset and disappointed and most of all angry. I don't claim to understand addictions but it has been over 13 years and we get the same promises over and over and the same let-downs over and over.

Not really sure how I feel right now. Better that I got it out. Husband is wonderfully supportive and understanding when this happens and it means so much to me to have him in my life (funny, considering my post earlier today). But he does a good job of listening (sometimes telling me I shouldn't have said things - that I was too harsh, which I don't agree with) but he also distracts me and calms me down.

So much for the girls night. But I did get to go out to dinner with Husband and Little Man and it was a great time. Even with all this going on, I still know I am so blessed.