Facebook, work, sports, and just life

Well, I am still around. I am addicted to Facebook and the app on my phone. I will admit I am addicted to my cell phone which doesn't make Husband all that happy.

Work has been crazy. Just when I feel like I am caught up I find another pile on my desk that I need to get through. I do love my job and it is nice to work with so many people I consider my friends. We recently went out for one of the girl's birthday and it was a BLAST. We had to leave early because our babysitter had to work the next day. However, it was probably a good think I left when I did. I am kind of a lightweight and I was letting loose that night. :-)

My mom is my mom......still having problems. I don't understand and I won't pretend that I do, but just because it is an addiction and a disease it does NOT absolve her of any of the consequences. As of right now she is not allowed to drive Little Man, be alone with Little Man or babysit Little Man. All because she chose to drive with him in the car AFTER she had been drinking. The drinking has been non-stop for about 3 weeks so I am at a loss right now. She likes to pretend that all is forgotten a week later. I ask for answers but then wonder why, what am I expecting her to say? I go to my Al-Anon meetings and have even spoken a couple of times to one of the other members on the phone. Its very helpful, but I did realize I have lost the focus. Myself. I am focusing way too much of my attention and energy on my mom and the questions that I probably don't want the answers to when I should be focusing on myself and what is going on in my life and enjoying my life.

Little Man just finished basketball and started indoor soccer. He was meant for soccer I think. He takes that ball, gets out in front of the pack of kids and is gone........straight to the goal. He cocks his head to the side after he scores like, "I am a bad ass." He is very good at soccer, but I know he loves to play basketball too. The first basketball game didn't go so well as he spent the entire first half in my lap, crying and screaming. As soon as I took his jersey off, he was gone and loving playing.

I got a tattoo during my hiatus. I am not very pleased with it right now after the touchups. She assured me this one part would be hot pink and it has stayed purple..........it is the pink ribbon for breast cancer and it is on the inside of my right wrist. I am going to give it a few months and see how it fades. It still has some healing to do so maybe that will change. I hope it does.

I have signed up to do my second breast cancer walk. This one is 39.3 miles in 2 days in Summit County, CO. I did one in 2002 from Fort Worth to Dallas, TX. That one was 60 miles and 3 days. I am very excited and was all into my training when I was derailed with the most wicked stomach bug.........but I'll get right back on and get ready. Its at the end of June. If you want to donate to this wonderful cause or just watch my progress you can do that here. I am also doing this walk with my mom, so we'll see how that turns out.

Pictures...........Misguided Mommy said with my fancy new camera I should post some pics so here goes.

This is the new flooring in the living room. Ignore Husband's legs and Little Man walking out of the room!

A picture of a sunset from our backyard. We have mountains on 3 sides of us so I can get some good sunsets and sunrises.

This is the brown, shit-eating pug, Rocky. I still love him dearly, inspite of his disgusting habit.

Remember the first basketball game I told you about.......this was it.

This is our friends dog, Petey. He really goes down slides. He just climbs up and slides right down on his feet. The only one he wouldn't tackle was the big spiral slide. Maybe next time!

still around

.........just been busy. Work, being sick, laying laminate flooring in most of the upstairs of the house, learning to use my new camera and watching Little Man start his first ever basketball season. I'll post pics soon. Peace out, the Superbowl is going to start soon.

On its way............

For months I have been agonizing over this purchase. I finally did it. It is a lot but I think will be well worth it in the long run. This is what I just bought online at a fabulous price.

Its the D60. It comes with 2 lenses (one is the VR lens), a bag and some other goodies. I won't sleep until it gets here and then I'll be so busy taking pictures. I can't wait to get it and go somewhere next weekend to take a bunch of pics.

Happy New Year to myself. Thanks Husband for having an awesome job and being such a bad-ass at said job, that I was able to get this.

BTW, Misguided Mommy......I have been insanely jealous ever since you got yours. :-)

back............maybe with a vengance?

Well, we hopefully can finally put all this stuff with Husband behind us. He did not have a second bone marrow biopsy as scheduled because his blood counts were at NORMAL levels!!!! His body is apparently doing this on its own and he had two weeks in a row of rising levels. I don't feel like we are out of the woods but at least that is some very good (very much needed) news before the holidays!!!!

Work is good. My mom is my mom.........drinking on and off and I am trying to keep going to Al-Anon meetings to see if I can keep my feelings in check and not worry about what she decides to do with herself.

Little Man turned 4 last week. F*O*U*R!!!! He is just huge to me. He is tall and I just am floored at how he thinks things through. He also learned to write his name in the past month. He could have cared less about holding a pen or pencil the right way and now he is writing names and asking how to spell things and all kinds of stuff. I am so proud of him. He is just thrilled that he can hold the pencil correctly and that he can write his name.

That's all........other than I am home sick today and that totally sucks. I have a Christmas party tonight, plans tomorrow night out-of-town and anther party Saturday night. I can't be sick.

Hope everyone is having a Happy Holiday season so far. I was in a funk at first but am really starting to enjoy it. Just took a little longer this year with everything going on. How can Christmas be bad when you have a little one around?

Finale?

I feel like I am letting everyone down this week. My family, my friends, and myself. I do have a lot going on with Husband and I think right now I have to put my head on and focus on what is important.

I am scared, but trying to be strong for Husband. I am frustrated, but trying to stay calm with Little Man. And I am drained, physically but mostly mentally. I have thrown myself under the bus this week so many times. Some warranted and some not, but I do feel that I was the stand-up person in all situations and did what needed to be done. I have learned from Al-Anon to take on the feelings that are mine and let the other people have theirs. I can't change them and I refuse to dwell on them, whether I agree with them or not. Those are their feelings and they have to be responsible for them and live with them - not me.

However, the most shocking moment of this whole situation (so far anyway) came today when I was talking to my mom and she sounded down and she told me, "I am just bummed about ________(Husband)." Seriously? What the fuck does she think I am? Giddy and awaiting the next lab results with a smile on my face? But then the other thing that came up was anger - at my mom. Mostly that comment but for everything she has done in the past, which isn't fair to her. Then I thought on it more on the drive home. How very sad that she is that selfish that she said that to me. I am so sorry for her that she doesn't see the harm in that statement and that she will never know how deep it cut me. So I took what I was practicing and let her have that statement and that feeling. I am still hurt and angry, but those are my feelings and I will work through those. She has to live with her extremely shallow comment.

I am generally a very pessimistic person. However, in the worst of situations I can be positive. Which is what I have chosen to do for Husband. I pray a lot and I read a lot of my Al-Anon devotionals to try and help my thinking stay rational and calm.

I have to leave this for now. I don't know if or when I'll be back. I can't write about and update about Husband's stuff because, while we still know nothing, it is surreal that we are going through this and at the time so real that I have to face this head on for Husband.

The BIGGEST schmuck ever

I talked to my best friend on Saturday. Never said happy birthday to her. I am an awful friend. I am so sorry Tawny. HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO YOU! I have a lot on my plate but that is no excuse.



I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much your friendship means to me. Because words can not do it justice. The unconditional respect and giving are just two of the many things that make you a wonderful friend. Your honesty means so much to me. You are the only one that won't hold back on me. Ever. That is important to me, because I don't think a lot of things through before I speak. Thank you for being you.

Happiest birthday wishes from chilly CO.

1 for 10

That is our volleyball record. No it isn't matches either. It is one game, not the match. Just a game. Five weeks in we finally got a win. But we have fun. I love playing, but it is really nice to have a win.

Hopefully we aren't playing all the competitive teams in our league from here on out. We could sure use the boost in self-confidence!

Better, but still waiting

Husband and I scheduled and appointment Friday afternoon with his primary care doctor just to get a perspective on where we are with this whole thing. There are so many details from my last post that I just can't go into right now. Basically we are waiting for a lymph node biopsy and a test on his liver.

Everything hit me Friday morning and I lost it. I cried for about 3 hours, off and on, at work and finally I called his doctor to schedule the appointment. It made us feel better about the way this is all being handled, the steps we are taking and whatnot. We just don't have any relief about the outcome because there are still so many possibilities right now.

I am strong when I am around Husband. However, today I feel like a schmuck, I slept on the couch for 4 hours this afternoon (3 of them with Little Man). I have an earache and I feel off. I am going to go to bed early tonight and see if that helps, but I figure I'll end up at the doctor's before the week is over.

Next weekend I am unfortunately forced to allow my parents to watch Little Man. Husband has a conference out-of-town Saturday morning and I have to work that day. I pray things will be alright. They want him over night Friday, but I feel uneasy about it. I don't want to deny my mother that but I also don't think it is the best idea. There is other stuff going on there too. However, I continue to attend my Al-Anon meetings and that helps a bunch. I feel like I have a much better handle on the problems that I need to - my own.

For now, we keep praying and live life like we haven't in a very long time.